Essence of loss

cof

It is knowing presently there is a gaping whole within you.
It is knowing you can no longer make new memories together.
It is knowing you can no longer hear their voice.
        Speak to them and have a conversation
It is knowing you can no longer feel their touch.
Knowing you have to keep on living the life you both dreamt off.
It is knowing for that moment you’ll have to face the world alone.
It is knowing you can no longer grow old together.
Milestones you’d like to share to them and yet can’t.
However, it is also…
Reliving moments and knowing you had them .
It is being thankful you shared the most precious commodity of all:
         Time.
It is sharing stories to others, the memories, laughter, lessons
         And dumb moves.
It is knowing they cared and loved you.
         Which is why for that moment you felt loss and keenly so.
Loss is natural, it may not be great but everyone has had and encounter with it.
It is neither good nor bad.
It just is.
Never easy…
But through loss we are reminded of what we have and can gain.
         Possibilities of what we can give.
         And leave when it is our time to be someone’s loss.

So with everyday you’ve got, make it count…
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Clocking out of 2016!

Clocking out of 2016!

Adieu to the painful memories.
Adieu to horrible mistakes.
Adieu to missed opportunities.
And adieu to this year of ups and downs.

However, I will always remember…

Remember the good days I had with you.
Remember the conversations I had with you.
Remember the adventures I had with you.
And remember the all the memories we made together.

As we say hello to this new year, here’s what I promise you.

I promise to continually be better than who I was yesterday,
I promise to continually wear my heart on my sleeve.
I promise to always be there for you, whatever you need.
And I promise to always love you unconditionally.

This message is for everyone who shared this year with me and to those I will soon meet.

For everyone I have been with for how many years I don’t recall.
For everyone at work and at home.
For everyone who supported me.
For everyone who I met this year of whom I am glad to call my friends.

This year 2016 was full of challenges and change
This year 2016 was full of adventure.
This year 2016 was full of stress and surprises.
And this year 2016 was an amazing roller coaster ride.

I expect nothing less of 2017.
Off to bigger and better things for all of us!

Happy New Year!
Take care always, be kind and I’ll see you around!

Akini signing off for 2016! Lots of love.

xox

 

A Dance Would Do

a-dance

I found this poem while I was going through note book after note book of drafts and scattered poems and I thought I might as well share some of them here and there in the coming months.

I wrote this last year around March, I think. I’m not too sure since the dates in one of the notebooks were so random ranging from 2011 – 2015 but best guess, March 2015!

I don’t think I wrote this for anyone in particular. I believe, I wrote this because during that time I was itching to go and dance a partner dance but no one was willing to go with me. So in my frustration rather than saying it or letting people know, I wrote down a poem and here it is.

Looking Through

Alternative Perspective

Hidden away,
Underneath a mask with every passing day.
Many will not discover what makes you sway.
Many won’t know what else to say.

Under that mask,
You have taken on such a heavy task.
Carrying all that baggage,
And your mask unknowingly showing its damage.

The mask creates a shield,
Many will see and to approach they will yield.
To relinquish its hold,
One must naive enough and bold.

When it has all fallen away,
Everything else will find its way.
However this must be a chosen narrative,
To perhaps view an alternative perspective.


 

Contemplating on the words; authenticity, honesty and genuine, has had an interesting impact on my life for the past year. It has taken me on such an adventure and continues to do so. This new adventure has allowed me to understand what those three words REALLY mean, what it means for me and what it means for the people around me…

The Price of Honesty

It will cost you friends,

It will cost you family,

It will cost you someone you hold dear,

It will cost you a career,

It will cost you your community,

It will cost you your life.

You will gain your life,

You will gain the right community,

You will gain passion,

You will gain your partner in crime,

You will gain and find your family,

You will gain true friends.

You will lose what you do not need and deserve.

You will gain more than what you believe you deserve.

This is the price; the price of being honest.

Being honest to the people around you;

But most importantly to yourself.

There is so much to lose;

But there is much to gain by living in earnest.


For the past few weeks I’ve been reflecting on this word; honesty. One word that can affect us greatly in many aspects of our life.

Being honest with the people around you can be ostracising and lonely, this is true even if you are speaking from a place of love. It can hurt people because they may not see and understand where you are coming from; your reasons but it should not stop us from speaking truthfully. Not to speak truthfully to hurt another person but to shed light. However, in saying this there is also a time and place for us to speak in truthfully in love.

 

xox

 

 

Problem Called Apathy

Problem Called Apathy

Say what you may,

We have a growing problem in the world we’re living in called apathy.

It is easy to find sympathy,

But it is difficult to find people who has empathy.

 

Finding myself walking with the living dead.

Blank stares passing by I cannot comprehend.

Souls trapped in the midst of the crowd,

Joining this crowd of apathy rather than stepping out and being loud.

 

One step will do,

One word will make do,

As long as you know,

Where you have to go.


 

This poem came about through my sheer frustration from standing in a crowd and seeing a scene play out in front of us and no one even moved to do anything about what was going on!

My initial thoughts were “surely someone would step forward and say something”. So I waited and waited, “someone say something!” but I was naive. I however, after a minute, came to a realisation that if no one else is willing to say something I had to step out and do it myself, I cannot wait for someone else. When I stepped out I was frustrated and nervous but it had to be done, I could no longer stand to be with that crowd.

I talked to the lady and tried to communicate with her to the best of my ability, I stood up and turned around hoping she understood. And as I turned around I was saddened by the fact that everyone was watching us two and after the crowd realised that I have turned around they all looked away and went back to their screens!

Apathy; a three syllable word, a word that we need to unlearn in our lives and be ever so aware off. I myself need to learn how to unlearn this for it is definitely something we need less off.

When the unexpected expected happens…

A Relaxing Day?

Your spending a day relaxing blissfully.

News arrives that the unexpected expected* incident has occurred and you don’t know what to do.

Suddenly, as the unexpected expected was still fresh on your mind you got a blow in the head coming from your blindside.

NOW, you really don’t know what to do next.

Your mind is rattled, you can’t think straight, a lump in your throat is forming and water is blurring your vision.

Your heart’s beating a million times per minute and yet you feel like time is at a slow crawl.

PULL BACK NOW!

PAUSE and think!

No need to cry at the moment, it can wait so; ANALYSE!

PRESS the eject button in your mind and look at your situation from the outside.

Imagine you are having an out of body experience.


I confess only a couple of hours ago was not thinking straight, one of life’s unexpected expected happened  and I was, to say the least, drowning in my own sea of emotion filled, immediate reaction, panic custard.

It was  an embarrassing display and unnecessary… Not to say that it was not justified or that anyone who is going through something like this at the present or when something like this happens that one is not allowed to show such emotions. But what I meant by this was, I reacted first before  I knew what was really going on. I jumped to a conclusion. I didn’t process it and jumped the gun, without thinking that it can “easily” be resolve it or there is still a possibility of a reasonable outcome; I went straight for the doomsday conclusion.

How many times can we say that we have done this; reacted first without looking at the whole picture? ( No need to give me an actual number 🙂 )

How many times did we think we cannot get through a certain situation but still came out strong afterwards?

How many times, how many times?!

What’s that old saying again?

“When life gives you lemons…..”

How are you going to react? There are so many ways to go about it! However, I believe the worst thing one could do in a situation like this is to do nothing.

So the next time life gives me or you lemons…

Here’s a few things I will (and hopefully you too) remember and consider:

  1. Be thankful for the lemons, it will do great in a pie. (YUM!)
  2. Don’t think about why but what you can do with the lemons.
  3. Look at your lemons from a distance, from a different perspective.
  4. Talk to a friend/ family member about it. Talking helps a lot.
  5. Perhaps make lemonade, this is very popular! (Did I mention I love lemonade?!)
  6. Oh, don’t throw the lemons back! You could hit someone, life isn’t really good at catch, I know from experience.
  7. And don’t throw it to someone else, like I said it could hit someone and that person could get hurt. We don’t want that.

Anyways, think about these things when you receive lemons… I certainly will!

 

 

* The unexpected expected event; when you think it will happen at a certain moment but didn’t and you thought that since it did not happen when you expected it, it therefore WILL NOT happen. BUT when you were not expecting it, it HAPPENED!

A Fresh New Year, Another Hope Filled Year

Hello and Goodbye

Goodbye, one word I can’t seem to say.

However for once a year, I’d gladly utter that word.

On that day, on New Year’s day.

Midnight; those words goodbye and hello I would speak.

Welcome, New Year.

Welcome, new friends.

New opportunities, I welcome you with open arms.

New adventures and experiences, I look forward with hope.


As we welcome this new year, 2016. Many of us would look back our year and what memories we made along the way…

Memories filled with joy, a dash of pain, a sprinkle of challenging situations, confusing moments, funny times, quiet tedious days and nights. However while we look back at those moments we need to remember a few things;

  1. Those are now only memories, they ARE the past.                                                            -We can only learn and glean from the past.
  2. Who we were in the past, we cannot change.                                                                       -Who we’ll be in our future is in our own hands.
  3. We made it through difficult times this year; times we didn’t think we could survive.                                                                                                                                  -Remember those difficult times and see how versatile and amazing you are.
  4. Look for breakthrough moments.                                                                                              -Those moments that surprised you, times that worked out for the better.

These few things I know, aren’t new ideas but they are worth remembering. Of course there are also other things I have forgotten to add to this list but oh well!

Signing out for 2015…

Akini.

Be kind, Happy New Year and God Bless!!!!