For the past few days I’ve been dwelling on the short, one syllable, 5 letter word guilt. For more or less two weeks I found myself tired from work and doing other things I enjoy such as sewing and catching up with friends and family that I realised that I haven’t written anything new such as a poem, a blog post or even a plan for Christmas.
After I realised that, I began feeling guilty! I couldn’t shake it off, I “made a commitment” to myself that I was going to write more often; concentrate on my poetry because I do not have resources to do music lessons at the moment. I was feeling guilty because in my mind the lie I told myself “I cannot commit to anything even though I love those things” so many months and years before has come back to haunt me. I began feeling like a failure my past failures came back and I was reminded of all the wrong things I’ve done, I will always fail at everything. Guilty of the lie and guilty at being useless.
I was reminded of what my mentor asked me a few months ago and what she told me about guilt. That we are not supposed to live in guilt because once we ask for forgiveness and God forgives us, we are not supposed to hang on to them. Our sins are washed away by the blood of Jesus Christ, our conscience should be cleansed. It does not mean our God forgets what we’ve done it’s that He will not bring it up and hold it against you. We are not condemned by it.
Then a few days ago I met up with a friend, we caught up talked about how we were doing and wondering what’s new in our lives etc… And while we were talking our conversation went on the topic of…. Surprise, Surprise; guilt. We talked ’bout the idea off guilt, where it was coming from in context of our conversation and I began recalling what I already knew but forgotten about guilt.
There are two sides to this guilt business and they are conviction and condemnation. Conviction is when we know through the Holy Spirit that we have done wrong in the eyes of God, we feel guilty, then allows us to find a solution; to ask for forgiveness (1 John 1:9) . Condemnation is when we feel guilty because it shows us all of our failures, sins and paralyses us away from any solution.
Conviction is allows us to live a life that God intends for us, while condemnation inhibits us to live.
Going back to my feelings of guilt on not writing more often, I felt guilty because that was what the enemy wanted me to feel; guilty an hopeless. NOT FOR LONG I SAY! After my conversation with my friend that night, I realised that I was not feeling guilty because I’ve done something terribly wrong that I was convicted but I was feeling condemned. Coming to that realisation, I felt free and remembered that Jesus did not come to this world to condemn us but to save us (John 12:47).