We are not perfect; we all see our flaws everyday when we wake up and look at ourselves in front of that mirror.
I’d say that you have experienced those side comments when you were younger from the people around you, your family and friends they will not mean to say it, or they do not mean for their words to hurt you. They may feel like they were merely stating facts.
“Yes, you were an accident but look at you now!”
“Isn’t he cute with those chubby cheeks!”
“Aren’t you one of a kind! Unique looking and I bet you won’t marry someone from here…”- meaning your “beauty” isn’t going to be appreciated by our/your own kind.
And you grow to believe those “statements”, I know I did, we create stories for our selves and believe that we are not enough; we are lacking, no one wanted you to be here and yet here we are, living and feeling. You grow up believing these and apologising for existing, convincing yourself that you are not enough.
So, you try and compensate, allow others to walk all over you. Move aside for those you believe are “deserving” to be there, even though you know well that you deserve to stand where you are. You give and share love so freely because you know how it feels not to be loved as who you are. You allow others to walk in front of you, others to share your ideas and claim it as theirs.
For you who is doubting your worth; here’s a few things I want you to know that I have learned, am working through and know for sure have helped me and I hope will also help you.
All those things you believed growing up needs to be addressed; worked through.
Analysed and understood. I believe this is one of the most important steps to knowing yourself and understanding your worth; self-awareness and reflection.
It is important but also one of the most difficult steps in working on yourself. Through this you may realise a lot of what you are and were feeling, the way you react to situations are a projection of your yourself and your unresolved hurts. If you are already working on all these, I’m glad and keep going!
However, I promise you this it will not be an overnight change or a project with a definite ending. It is a lifetime of self-discovery but as you work on them you will realise your worth as a person and how much words affected you but this time you will see them coming and know how to handle them. You will understand who you are and won’t let those people and words affect you and your worth.
As you keep working on yourself, look around you and notice those people who stuck with you along the way; your highs and especially your lows in life. When you have identified those people ask them; “why have you stayed with me all this time? What did you see in me that was worth your time and effort?”
Then listen but most importantly be open with whatever they are going to tell you and push them to be lovingly honest. You will see and hear how they see you; compare what their words to what you have always believed of yourself. You will realise how much lies you have been telling yourself when in fact, those around you can see the real you and how much you mean to them. It does not mean that everything they will say will be positive, there will always be a negative side of you, all of us especially when you ask those you love honesty. They will not say the negative things to hurt you but for you to be aware and work on them too.
Evaluate how they value you and how much you value yourself. You’ll be surprised! Look for those individuals, those who believed in you, saw your worth, your potential in life, those who will push you to be a better you and listen to them.
It’s not always easy to believe when other people are saying good things about us because we see the flaws, we bring up the shield that was our constant companion. But if you love and value them and you know they love you too, bring that shield down and LISTEN.
It may be difficult to accept but if you listen and take it in, mull it over and it’s okay to also take your time to process those words of love as long as you slowly believe those truths. It’s a process of knowing your worth. Believe their words, accept those words and slowly let go of the lies you have convinced yourself off.
To whose who promised that they loved you but left when it became too difficult… We all experience rejection and in many forms. From friendships to careers to love. Let’s address those who made a promise of loving you as you are to the end of days. We’ve all heard those three little words “I love you” And we know off the words unspoken after… – “Until I get what I want from you…” “but up to a certain point…” “until I find someone better…” “but as long as you give me what I need…” “only for a season…” “with the condition that you meet these requirements…”
There were always conditions to their love, we have done it or know someone who has done this to another person, and it does not feel good when we realise those unspoken words. Most of us go through this stage in life and those who have not, count yourselves lucky. When you realise there were always conditions and you didn’t meet them, never think that you are not worth it, never.
It does not mean that the breakdown was only caused by the other person, of course both parties have made decisions that lead to this and you know your flaws that you are working on. But this is not because you are not enough. The truth is, you weren’t the right person for that individual that rejected you.
You might have thought you were perfect, you were compatible for each other and your values aligned but it may have just been for other reasons that you cannot have any control over. They may not know how to love you or do not have the capacity to and did not know your worth. I tell you this as I also tell myself that for the right person, they will immediately know your worth and will know how to love you the way you have always wanted and more than you have expected or known. For now, someone might reject your love and what you are offering them but know that the right one will always see you as who you are and your worth.
I mentioned rejection in career or education. There will always come a time when you must get out there and put yourself out there. As much as we’d like to be prepared, to get the dream job the first time, it’s not always going to happen as we wish. Usually we get a few too many rejection letters or no response at all.
This can be tiring, stressful, frustrating and disheartening. The way we look at ourselves may diminish to almost feeling worthless. I understand all those emotions and the feelings of worthlessness. I am going through it once again and have been there before too. All those feeling and emotions are valid however here’s a few things that you must understand.
All those rejections are not a personal attack on who you are. It’s not personal. It’s a tough market especially if you are just starting off or if you took a leap of faith to start again. Putting yourself out there is brave! Knowing it may not go well or not knowing how it will turn out. By venturing out, not only that you are enough, but you are also, brave.
The job you may have applied for may already have hired someone internally but only had to advertise as a formality. You may have been overqualified, it is a possible reason, or you may have most of the skill but lacked one that was essential to their business, but as you keep applying everywhere else keep gaining those skill and next time it could be yours.
All those reasons will never diminish your worth; your job, your dream career will be there, maybe the timing is not yet right. As you keep working on yourself in all aspects of life you will get there, and you can also try again.
Just don’t give up thinking you are not enough because you are enough, more than enough. Maybe you are not yet ready for that CEO position, keep working on yourself, your skills and prepare yourself when they see you next time. They may wonder where you have been all this time and you can tell them that “they were not ready for you then and you were working on yourself everyday to bring your best self and perform.”
For those who realised the cycle they were in and changed themselves to be better and others to see them as enough and worth it. I congratulate you and I am happy you did it. Allowed yourself to accept and love your flaws that make who you are you and you are perfect as you are. I know that the journey may not have been easy and I’m sure you lost a few people you believed valued you but in reality were only there to stroke their own egos and drain you, but in saying that, you also gained those precious and lovely people who saw you are worth loving, you are worth pursuing, you are so much more than those statements you used to believe. You are someone strong and more than some people can handle. You love yourself and have the confidence to say you are worth everything you receive and so much more. I’m overjoyed you found your worth.
In all aspects of life, you need to know your worth, know that you are enough, and you are a constantly changing and improving individual. Tell yourself, “I know I am enough; I have a few things to work out, but I am enough, worth pursuing, worth getting to know, worth taking a chance with, worth the risk, worth the effort and worth loving deeply and genuinely.
All my love and I wish you all the best,