Essence of loss

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It is knowing presently there is a gaping whole within you.
It is knowing you can no longer make new memories together.
It is knowing you can no longer hear their voice.
        Speak to them and have a conversation
It is knowing you can no longer feel their touch.
Knowing you have to keep on living the life you both dreamt off.
It is knowing for that moment you’ll have to face the world alone.
It is knowing you can no longer grow old together.
Milestones you’d like to share to them and yet can’t.
However, it is also…
Reliving moments and knowing you had them .
It is being thankful you shared the most precious commodity of all:
         Time.
It is sharing stories to others, the memories, laughter, lessons
         And dumb moves.
It is knowing they cared and loved you.
         Which is why for that moment you felt loss and keenly so.
Loss is natural, it may not be great but everyone has had and encounter with it.
It is neither good nor bad.
It just is.
Never easy…
But through loss we are reminded of what we have and can gain.
         Possibilities of what we can give.
         And leave when it is our time to be someone’s loss.

So with everyday you’ve got, make it count…
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A Dance Would Do

a-dance

I found this poem while I was going through note book after note book of drafts and scattered poems and I thought I might as well share some of them here and there in the coming months.

I wrote this last year around March, I think. I’m not too sure since the dates in one of the notebooks were so random ranging from 2011 – 2015 but best guess, March 2015!

I don’t think I wrote this for anyone in particular. I believe, I wrote this because during that time I was itching to go and dance a partner dance but no one was willing to go with me. So in my frustration rather than saying it or letting people know, I wrote down a poem and here it is.

The Price of Honesty

It will cost you friends,

It will cost you family,

It will cost you someone you hold dear,

It will cost you a career,

It will cost you your community,

It will cost you your life.

You will gain your life,

You will gain the right community,

You will gain passion,

You will gain your partner in crime,

You will gain and find your family,

You will gain true friends.

You will lose what you do not need and deserve.

You will gain more than what you believe you deserve.

This is the price; the price of being honest.

Being honest to the people around you;

But most importantly to yourself.

There is so much to lose;

But there is much to gain by living in earnest.


For the past few weeks I’ve been reflecting on this word; honesty. One word that can affect us greatly in many aspects of our life.

Being honest with the people around you can be ostracising and lonely, this is true even if you are speaking from a place of love. It can hurt people because they may not see and understand where you are coming from; your reasons but it should not stop us from speaking truthfully. Not to speak truthfully to hurt another person but to shed light. However, in saying this there is also a time and place for us to speak in truthfully in love.

 

xox

 

 

Problem Called Apathy

Problem Called Apathy

Say what you may,

We have a growing problem in the world we’re living in called apathy.

It is easy to find sympathy,

But it is difficult to find people who has empathy.

 

Finding myself walking with the living dead.

Blank stares passing by I cannot comprehend.

Souls trapped in the midst of the crowd,

Joining this crowd of apathy rather than stepping out and being loud.

 

One step will do,

One word will make do,

As long as you know,

Where you have to go.


 

This poem came about through my sheer frustration from standing in a crowd and seeing a scene play out in front of us and no one even moved to do anything about what was going on!

My initial thoughts were “surely someone would step forward and say something”. So I waited and waited, “someone say something!” but I was naive. I however, after a minute, came to a realisation that if no one else is willing to say something I had to step out and do it myself, I cannot wait for someone else. When I stepped out I was frustrated and nervous but it had to be done, I could no longer stand to be with that crowd.

I talked to the lady and tried to communicate with her to the best of my ability, I stood up and turned around hoping she understood. And as I turned around I was saddened by the fact that everyone was watching us two and after the crowd realised that I have turned around they all looked away and went back to their screens!

Apathy; a three syllable word, a word that we need to unlearn in our lives and be ever so aware off. I myself need to learn how to unlearn this for it is definitely something we need less off.

From a distance

I’ve had (having) a couple of amazing few weeks and I’m pretty sure this will certainly continue for the rest of my life!

Why? Because of distance

From a distance

Two weeks ago I made a decision, one of the best decisions I’ve made so far. It had nothing to do with moving to a different place, money, work, finance or other people. It only had to do with me.

I made the decision to always step back, mentally distance myself and evaluate what I am feeling, why I am feeling a certain way and how I was interacting with other people and situations. To sum that up, I made sure to keep my attitude in check, always. 

At work, we have a notice board full of work related bits and pieces of paper and other things such as messages left by customers or other employees. And on this board there’s a quote written by Charles Swindoll entitled, ‘Attitude’. For the 9-10 months I’ve been working there, I noticed it but didn’t think much of it not until recently. I must have read it over 80 times for the past 2 months and have been reflecting on its message. Not until 3 weeks ago, it clicked for me, it made sense!

Attitude

After that moment, I made the decision to be in charge of my attitude. Since then, I have seen changes, I saw me for who I am, who I can be. I can see what I do and became more than ever, self aware. Also, I saw how my attitude can affect other people I work with and just around me in a positive way if I choose to have a good attitude towards situations and definitely in negative ways if I choose to react negatively.

To quote Charles Swindoll, “And so it is with you…”

Perhaps a Companion Someday

When I wrote this poem, I wrote it in an inspired moment. A moment full of faith and a moment of peace. I wrote it feeling so loved, hopeful and with joy. It’s a wonderful feeling, I must say, after having gone through a few difficult months prior. And I still do think back of the time when I wrote this poem with fondness.

I have had reservations as to sharing this poem but reflecting on those reasons, I came to a conclusion that;

1. My poem was written in the circumstances I outlined above and I don’t believe there is nothing wrong with that.

2. How can I say in my About page “I am not saying I am perfect” if I do not share things about me that aren’t perfect and don’t post poems with a message of hope in them.

3. And WHAT IS THERE TO FEAR? TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT? NOTHING! I was anxious of what other people might think of me and my writing. Well, I now know and believe that it does not matter.

Perhaps Someday