Tag Archives: Thoughts

Essence of loss

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It is knowing presently there is a gaping whole within you.
It is knowing you can no longer make new memories together.
It is knowing you can no longer hear their voice.
        Speak to them and have a conversation
It is knowing you can no longer feel their touch.
Knowing you have to keep on living the life you both dreamt off.
It is knowing for that moment you’ll have to face the world alone.
It is knowing you can no longer grow old together.
Milestones you’d like to share to them and yet can’t.
However, it is also…
Reliving moments and knowing you had them .
It is being thankful you shared the most precious commodity of all:
         Time.
It is sharing stories to others, the memories, laughter, lessons
         And dumb moves.
It is knowing they cared and loved you.
         Which is why for that moment you felt loss and keenly so.
Loss is natural, it may not be great but everyone has had and encounter with it.
It is neither good nor bad.
It just is.
Never easy…
But through loss we are reminded of what we have and can gain.
         Possibilities of what we can give.
         And leave when it is our time to be someone’s loss.

So with everyday you’ve got, make it count…
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Clocking out of 2016!

Clocking out of 2016!

Adieu to the painful memories.
Adieu to horrible mistakes.
Adieu to missed opportunities.
And adieu to this year of ups and downs.

However, I will always remember…

Remember the good days I had with you.
Remember the conversations I had with you.
Remember the adventures I had with you.
And remember the all the memories we made together.

As we say hello to this new year, here’s what I promise you.

I promise to continually be better than who I was yesterday,
I promise to continually wear my heart on my sleeve.
I promise to always be there for you, whatever you need.
And I promise to always love you unconditionally.

This message is for everyone who shared this year with me and to those I will soon meet.

For everyone I have been with for how many years I don’t recall.
For everyone at work and at home.
For everyone who supported me.
For everyone who I met this year of whom I am glad to call my friends.

This year 2016 was full of challenges and change
This year 2016 was full of adventure.
This year 2016 was full of stress and surprises.
And this year 2016 was an amazing roller coaster ride.

I expect nothing less of 2017.
Off to bigger and better things for all of us!

Happy New Year!
Take care always, be kind and I’ll see you around!

Akini signing off for 2016! Lots of love.

xox

 

Looking Through

Alternative Perspective

Hidden away,
Underneath a mask with every passing day.
Many will not discover what makes you sway.
Many won’t know what else to say.

Under that mask,
You have taken on such a heavy task.
Carrying all that baggage,
And your mask unknowingly showing its damage.

The mask creates a shield,
Many will see and to approach they will yield.
To relinquish its hold,
One must naive enough and bold.

When it has all fallen away,
Everything else will find its way.
However this must be a chosen narrative,
To perhaps view an alternative perspective.


 

Contemplating on the words; authenticity, honesty and genuine, has had an interesting impact on my life for the past year. It has taken me on such an adventure and continues to do so. This new adventure has allowed me to understand what those three words REALLY mean, what it means for me and what it means for the people around me…

The Price of Honesty

It will cost you friends,

It will cost you family,

It will cost you someone you hold dear,

It will cost you a career,

It will cost you your community,

It will cost you your life.

You will gain your life,

You will gain the right community,

You will gain passion,

You will gain your partner in crime,

You will gain and find your family,

You will gain true friends.

You will lose what you do not need and deserve.

You will gain more than what you believe you deserve.

This is the price; the price of being honest.

Being honest to the people around you;

But most importantly to yourself.

There is so much to lose;

But there is much to gain by living in earnest.


For the past few weeks I’ve been reflecting on this word; honesty. One word that can affect us greatly in many aspects of our life.

Being honest with the people around you can be ostracising and lonely, this is true even if you are speaking from a place of love. It can hurt people because they may not see and understand where you are coming from; your reasons but it should not stop us from speaking truthfully. Not to speak truthfully to hurt another person but to shed light. However, in saying this there is also a time and place for us to speak in truthfully in love.

 

xox

 

 

Innocent until proven guilty… Guilty as charged?

For the past few days I’ve been dwelling on the short, one syllable, 5 letter word guilt. For more or less two weeks I found myself tired from work and doing other things I enjoy such as sewing and catching up with friends and family that I realised that I haven’t written anything new such as a poem, a blog post or even a plan for Christmas.

After I realised that, I began feeling guilty! I couldn’t shake it off, I “made a commitment” to myself that I was going to write more often; concentrate on my poetry because I do not have resources to do music lessons at the moment. I was feeling guilty because in my mind the lie I told myself “I cannot commit to anything even though I love those things” so many months and years before has come back to haunt me. I began feeling like a failure my past failures came back and I was reminded of all the wrong things I’ve done, I will always fail at everything. Guilty of the lie and guilty at being useless.

___

I was reminded of what my mentor asked me a few months ago and what she told me about guilt. That we are not supposed to live in guilt because once we ask for forgiveness and God forgives us, we are not supposed to hang on to them. Our sins are washed away by the blood of Jesus Christ, our conscience should be cleansed. It does not mean our God forgets what we’ve done it’s that He will not bring it up and hold it against you. We are not condemned by it.

Then a few days ago I met up with a friend, we caught up talked about how we were doing and wondering what’s new in our lives etc… And while we were talking our conversation went on the topic of…. Surprise, Surprise; guilt. We talked ’bout the idea off guilt, where it was coming from in context of our conversation and I began recalling what I already knew but forgotten about guilt.

HOWEVER…

There are two sides to this guilt business and they are conviction and condemnation. Conviction is when we know through the Holy Spirit that we have done wrong in the eyes of God, we feel guilty, then allows us to find a solution; to ask for forgiveness (1 John 1:9) . Condemnation is when we feel guilty because it shows us all of our failures, sins and paralyses us away from any solution.

Conviction is allows us to live a life that God intends for us, while condemnation inhibits us to live.

Going back to my feelings of guilt on not writing more often, I felt guilty because that was what the enemy wanted me to feel; guilty an hopeless. NOT FOR LONG I SAY!  After my conversation with my friend that night, I realised that I was not feeling guilty because I’ve done something terribly wrong that I was convicted but I was feeling condemned. Coming to that realisation, I felt free and remembered that Jesus did not come to this world to condemn us but to save us (John 12:47).